From the moment that you and your husband separate, you’re no longer batting on the same team. You can’t speak to each other the way you used to, and you certainly shouldn’t just automatically trust him. As far as the children are concerned, you should always been looking for ways to cooperate and co-parent more effectively, but as far as your divorce goes, you should be tight lipped.

It’s hard to think of your husband—the person with whom you used to share absolutely everything—as the enemy. It’s hard to avoid falling into the same traps that you did when you were together. After all, no one knows how to push your buttons more than someone you’ve lived with for years. On the other hand, there’s probably no one else who has the ability to turn on the charm and totally disarm you when you least expect it. After all, you loved him once. Still, for the sake of your divorce, you’ll definitely have to learn to be a little guarded.

Divorce is a bargaining process, and it’s usually mostly a back and forth between the attorneys on both sides. There’s some definite strategy involved, and you’ll want to discuss it with your attorney at length. But that’s where the conversation should stop.

Remember that mutual friends and even, sometimes, family members can let things slip. You may trust them completely, but sometimes even the most well-intentioned people can slip up and say too much. The more you talk to anyone, the better the chance that your husband will hear about it. Be careful that you don’t overshare!

Attorney-client conversations are privileged because so much of it has to do with vital case strategy. You can probably imagine that, if you have a Plan A and a Plan B, you don’t really want to disclose Plan B if you’d prefer if your husband accepted Plan A. One of the best things you can do to help your divorce? Don’t involve family and friends in it.

As you’re going through your divorce, you’ll probably need someone to talk to. It’s probably safest (and the most productive) if you meet with a therapist or other mental health professional. They can help you overcome some of the difficulties associated with divorce; in fact, they’re trained to do it! Despite their good intentions, sometimes family and friends do little more than stir the pot.