What is a reasonable agreement when it comes to custody and visitation? This is a question we get a lot – hey, I understand! – from concerned moms who are wondering what’ll happen after they separate from their child’s father. What should a custody and visitation agreement look like? How much time with my kids do I have to give up? It’s difficult to go from “family time” to “mom’s time” and “dad’s time,” and figure out how to reasonably and fairly divide it. Not only the actual division of … [Read more...]
Can my child choose which parent should have custody?
It’s pretty universally acknowledged that children – even very young children (and perhaps maybe especially very young children) – have very strong preferences. For my son (who is 3), the strongest of those centers around the color blue, which no one else is allowed to like except for him. Any toy that happens to be blue belongs to him, and this is expected (by him) to be accepted by everyone without complaint or objection. Any other substitute is not acceptable. Ever. And, hey, he’s nothing if … [Read more...]
Moving with your husband when your marriage is on the rocks
It's not uncommon, over the course of a marriage, for one spouse to receive a job offer that turns things upside down. It seems like a no brainer to accept a change when it might mean a completely different financial future for your family. Of course, that's not to say it's easy. You may be leaving a job of your own, or uprooting your children from a school where they're doing well. Your family may be close to where you are now, and you may wonder about your ability to make new friends in a … [Read more...]
Essential Workers: Custody and Visitation Concerns
Essential Workers: Custody and Visitation Concerns An ER doctor in Florida recently lost custody of her 4 year old daughter on a temporary basis as fears of the coronavirus pandemic escalate around the country. We keep reading about the stories of heroes who keep working despite the dangers of COVID-19, and we’ve realized recently how dependent we are on some of them: grocery workers, delivery drivers, transportation sector workers, doctors, nurses, hospital aides, nurse practitioners, on … [Read more...]
Coparenting for Beginners, Part 2
Coparenting for Beginners: Part 2 On Monday, I talked about an issue in coparenting that I see come up with some frequency: “how much information do I give my child’s father?” It’s often an issue when it comes to things like medical appointments; if dad doesn’t come, is mom obligated to share the details? What does it say if she does or doesn’t, and will it ultimately impact a custody case? Today, I want to change tacks a little and talk about another related issue that I see come up in … [Read more...]
Coparenting for Beginners
Coparenting for Beginners I was talking to a woman the other day who was asking me all sorts of things about her upcoming custody case and the decisions she should be making. The (first time) mother of a very young son, she had never navigated this kind of territory before. Though she hoped to be able to reach an agreement for custody and visitation out of court, she also wanted to be sure she was as prepared as possible in the event that her case did wind up in a courtroom. We were talking … [Read more...]
In Your Virginia Child Custody Case, Forget Fair
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s a truth that you should accept, and the earlier the better. Custody cases are not about fairness. There are lots of things about custody cases that are “unfair”. It’s not fair that he can petition, over and over again, for a modification based on a material change in circumstances. It’s not fair that, if you win at the juvenile court, he can appeal to the circuit court. It’s not fair that he can ask for a GAL or a custody evaluator to be involved, who … [Read more...]
Do I Want a Guardian ad Litem Appointed?
Do I want a Guardian ad litem appointed? A Guardian ad litem is an attorney appointed on behalf of a child in a custody case. We really don’t bring kids to court to testify; there won’t be a moment where the child has to tell the court whether he’d prefer to live with mom or dad. That just doesn’t happen. But, of course, in a custody case, the prominent parties are typically mom and dad, and their respective lawyers. Their lawyers will, obviously, argue THEIR respective points. But where … [Read more...]
I’ll give it all up, just give me custody!
I’ll give it all up, just give me custody! It’s tempting to say that you’ll give up everything you’re entitled to receive in your divorce in exchange for custody. I’m a mom myself, I can totally understand the appeal. After all, there’s literally nothing in the world more important than your children. At the root of it, too, there’s also the sense that keeping as much custody as possible allows you to parent the way you always envisioned you would. There’s nothing that makes a mom feel like … [Read more...]
Already Signed Separation Agreement
Already Signed Separation Agreement I met with a woman the other day who, from the moment she sat down, told me that she had just signed whatever her husband put in front of her because she wanted to keep things amicable. They have four children in common, and parenting was – understandably – her primary concern. He told her that they’d share custody. But the agreement said that dad would get primary physical custody, and mom would only get visitation every other weekend. She was under … [Read more...]
