My kids aren’t dealing well with the divorce I’m no child psychologist, but I can tell you that I’ve dealt with my fair share of moms who worry themselves to death about the impact of their divorce on their children. To some extent, of course, they will notice and probably be affected by it – but that doesn’t mean that a divorce has to be traumatizing for children. Studies have shown that children – particularly young children – are pretty resilient and adaptable. It’s also better for … [Read more...]
Negotiating with your husband without your attorney
Negotiating with your husband without your attorney Some people are chronic negotiators. Depending on their circumstances, the nature of their relationship with their soon to be ex, and the facts surrounding the separation, this may or may not be a good thing. I’ve had a handful of really strong minded clients in my day, who come in and tell me what they want. Then, they go home, and tell their husbands. And their husbands just…do it. For whatever reason, they just jump on that train, and … [Read more...]
What if we want to change our separation agreement later?
What if we want to change our separation agreement later? Things change, especially when your family is in flux. In a divorce, all sorts of things can change, even within a relatively short period of time. If you’re in the military, the chances that things will change increase exponentially. I can’t count the number of times that we’ve negotiated a custody and visitation agreement, only to turn around and find that someone is PCSing. Even with civilian families, things can change at the drop … [Read more...]
I drafted a Separation Agreement, but he won’t sign. What next?
I drafted a Separation Agreement, but he won’t sign. What next? You’ve agonized over the decision for months – sometimes, even years. After reflection and prayer and therapy and everything else you could think of to try, you’re ready to move forward with your divorce. I’ve seen it so many times! The initial consultation is often filled with tears, but, by the end, the woman walks out of our office a little taller, a little straighter, a little bit more confident. By the end of the process? … [Read more...]
I don’t want my divorce to go to court
I don’t want my divorce to go to court For as many people as are dying to have “their day in court”, there are plenty of others who are terrified of it. While I think both of these positions are extreme; in reality, I think you’ll neither get the sense of vindication that the “day in court” people are looking to receive, and it’s not nearly as terrifying as those who would prefer to avoid it seem to think. Going to court is, sometimes, necessary. It’s a tool in your arsenal that you can … [Read more...]
Should I sign this prenup?
Should I sign this prenup? Prenuptial agreements are pretty commonly misunderstood. I often hear that someone should may consider a prenup if they had substantial assets before the marriage that they wanted to protect. Under Virginia law, though, property that you earned or owned prior to marriage is already separate – it’s already yours, it stays yours, and it doesn’t become marital property unless you commingle it with marital funds. By “commingle,” I don’t mean that you used it to buy a … [Read more...]
Mediation versus Negotiation
Mediation versus Negotiation We get lots of questions about mediation, and I can certainly see the appeal. Divorce is scary as it is. Hiring and working with an attorney is probably also a little scary. A mediator seems like a softer option, especially if tensions are already high. It’s nice to think that you could go in, sit with a mediator for a few hours, and resolve all the issues – without an attorney, without going to go court, and without straining the relationship further (especially … [Read more...]
Should I sign this separation agreement?
Should I sign this separation agreement? Every so often I hear from a woman who, panicked, tells me she has to have a separation agreement reviewed TODAY. She has to sign it right now, or there’ll be dire consequences. It’s an emergency! It has to be done now! I hate these conversations for a lot of reasons, but, first and foremost, because I believe this is when really bad decisions with really long reaching consequences are made. Separation agreements are never something that should be … [Read more...]
Should I take my husband to court?
Divorce and custody cases aren’t like personal injury cases. At the end of the day, all you have to divide is what was already there to begin with – so, most of the time, people wind up with less than they had before. I mean, if you think about it, it makes sense. If you sell your house, split the proceeds, and then buy two separate residences, there’s expense there. Two mortgages, two sets of utility bills, and so on. So, when it comes to thinking about how to handle your divorce, it’s wise to … [Read more...]
Handling divorce and custody separately
It happens sometimes – though I definitely don’t prefer it – that custody is handled separately from the rest of the divorce proceedings. It can happen for any number of reasons. Like everything else, divorce and custody cases are highly variable, and all sorts of things can happen that can result in people choosing to take a specific course of action that might not be appropriate for someone else. Most of the time, though, I think it’s fairly safe to say that custody, visitation, and child … [Read more...]
