Negotiating with your husband without your attorney Some people are chronic negotiators. Depending on their circumstances, the nature of their relationship with their soon to be ex, and the facts surrounding the separation, this may or may not be a good thing. I’ve had a handful of really strong minded clients in my day, who come in and tell me what they want. Then, they go home, and tell their husbands. And their husbands just…do it. For whatever reason, they just jump on that train, and … [Read more...]
Should I sign this separation agreement?
Should I sign this separation agreement? Every so often I hear from a woman who, panicked, tells me she has to have a separation agreement reviewed TODAY. She has to sign it right now, or there’ll be dire consequences. It’s an emergency! It has to be done now! I hate these conversations for a lot of reasons, but, first and foremost, because I believe this is when really bad decisions with really long reaching consequences are made. Separation agreements are never something that should be … [Read more...]
Narcissists and the Drama Triangle in Virginia Divorce
Narcissists and the Drama Triangle in Virginia Divorce I recently read a really interesting article that really helps to explain some of the ways a narcissistic husband will try to manipulate a situation to their advantage. For their spouse, the behavior is toxic, damaging, and, oftentimes, really difficult to separate themselves from. Partially, it’s just the way we’re built. You know, psychologically. They say that men get their sense of self worth from external things, like the job they … [Read more...]
Virginia Spousal Support Changes 2018-2019
Virginia Spousal Support Changes 2018-2019 If you’re separating (or already separated), headed towards divorce, and hoping that your divorce settlement or decree will include an award of spousal support, there’s a lot that you should know. The law is in a state of flux right now, and so, so, so much is changing. Things that divorce attorneys like me treated as an established fact are changing – and changing so drastically, so quickly! – that you’ll definitely want to be aware of what’s … [Read more...]
New Blended Military Retirement
Military retirement is changing, and gone are the days where we could determine what a person’s total retirement benefit would be if we knew a few things, like rank, years of service, and base pay. Beginning in January 2019, new military service members who join the Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, Marine Corps, or reserves will become a part of the new blended retirement system. The blended retirement system is more similar to the system for federal employees, and has been touted by the … [Read more...]
Should I sign…? Separation Agreements in Virginia
I met with a woman the other day who had a separation agreement – prepared by her mediator – that she wanted me to review. She had gone to mediation with her husband, and then they had modified the agreement. She wanted me to tell her whether it was a fair offer for her. It had some promising items. Her husband was agreeing to pay off her student loan debt (incurred before the marriage), pay off her car loan, and pay a pretty significant sum in spousal support. “Should I sign?” she … [Read more...]
What if I lied to my Virginia divorce attorney?
What if I lied to my Virginia divorce attorney? It happens sometimes that our clients lie to us. I get it – it’s scary. It’s overwhelming. And there are maybe some facts in your case that you’re not entirely proud of – and may be intensely embarrassed of. You may be afraid of what might happen if those details get out. It’s not that uncommon. First thing’s first. Hire an attorney that you’re comfortable talking with. Lots of stuff in divorce and custody cases is uncomfortable. (Trust me, I … [Read more...]
What not to wear to divorce court
What not to wear to divorce court I feel like there’s a whole list of things I shouldn’t have to say about what to wear when you go to court, but, then again, people wear things sometimes that make me shake my head. Whenever I’m in juvenile court, it seems like there’s always someone who thought it was appropriate to roll out of bed and attend court in their pajamas. Or, alternatively, (and, honestly, I’m not sure which is worse) there’s another contingent who prefer to wear the clothes they … [Read more...]
Divorce Virginia Seminars
Divorce isn’t easy. And, if you’ve never been divorced before (or even if you have), there’s probably a lot you don’t know. That’s not your fault. There’s a lot to know, and the law is constantly changing. Besides that, it’s very state specific, so even what you know from your friend’s divorces doesn’t necessarily translate to yours, in the here and now in Virginia. Besides, there are steps you can take now so that you can educate yourself, and make sure you know what you need to know about the … [Read more...]
Can my husband record our conversations in my Virginia divorce case?
On Monday, we talked about communicating with your husband during your divorce or custody case. Let’s just say that it isn’t easy, especially if he’s antagonistic and mean. It happens fairly often that we get a case where the parties become consumed by “evidence”. They want to gather all kinds of information in an attempt to make the other party look bad. They seem to think that if they can just get the perfect piece of evidence – an admission, or something where the other party is freaking … [Read more...]
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