What We Can Learn from Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries: Quit Playing Games

Divorce brings out the ugliness in our personalities a lot of the time. Take, for example, the case of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. Though their marriage lasted a mere 72 days, their divorce is taking a whole lot longer. In fact, Kris Humphries is STILL dragging it out. Why? Well, I don’t know him so it’s hard to say, but if I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably mostly out of spite. Apparently, hell hath no fury quite like a spurned basketball player.

Not that Kim isn’t deserving of a little spite, because, let’s face it, she’s a married woman who is currently pregnant with another man’s child. And rumor on the street is that she actually MADE money off her ridiculously extravagant televised wedding extraordinaire. I also heard that there’s speculation that she and Kanye plan to have the next royal wedding. As if.

I don’t know how many hundreds of thousands of dollars Mr. Humphries has wasted trying to prevent the judge from granting Kim her divorce. It’s probably money well wasted to him, but, for regular people, playing these kinds of games costs serious money and does real damage.

Since your emotions are on a roller coaster anyway, sometimes you probably don’t even mean to push your ex’s buttons. Still, if you plan for your divorce to ever reach a “successful” resolution, you’re going to have to quit with the games—both intentional and unintentional. And that means you’ll have to take some affirmative steps to make sure that you can both move on.

  1. Enlist professional help. Even the best friends and family in the world can’t handle all your emotions, every single day, for however long it takes you to get to the final divorce. A professional can provide you with a different kind of support that actually helps you move forward.
  1. Begin with your ideal ending in mind. The trademark of a good divorce is the feeling that you are giving yourself and your children the ability to have the best, freshest new start possible. Continuing to fight will only cause more anger, resentment, and bitterness. Ask yourself, “is this worth it?” before you start or continue any fight. And then, “Does this move me forward?” Your answer to both of those questions should be yes—or you should leave it alone.
  1. Learn about your options. Before you start to move forward with the divorce process, find out what the best choice for you really is. Litigated divorce, negotiated divorce, collaborative divorce, mediated divorce… If you haven’t done your research, it’s a bunch of random words. You should be able to identify the best choice for you by analyzing the advantages and disadvantages—and come up with a plan to combat those disadvantages.

Divorce is the road you pave to a new future. It’s not a happy time, but it’s a time where you put in a lot of hard work in the hopes of achieving some sort of ultimate goal. For you, your ultimate goal should be something that makes you a better, stronger, happier woman. Divorce isn’t supposed to be a tool through which you torture your soon-to-be ex. It won’t make you or him happy, and it can cause severe damage to both of you, your children, and your families. In the end, you get to choose what kind of divorce you want to have. Choose well.

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