Don’t wait too long to get a divorce just because it’s scary!

Posted on Apr 2, 2014 by Katie Carter

Don’t wait too long to make a positive change in your life. You know you’re unhappy in your marriage, and you’ve begun to think about divorce. You’ve probably consulted with a therapist of your own or even a marriage counselor, and your differences have grown and grown over the years. Now, even the simplest things result in a heated debate that leaves you feeling overwhelmed, alone, and emotionally drained. Part of you thinks you’re ready to move on, and part of you feels like you’d rather just stay where you are, because at least it’s familiar. The unknown is scary, and maybe it wouldn’t even be any better, anyway. Besides, where would you go? What would happen to the kids? How would you tell your family and mutual friends?

And then there’s the actual divorce process, which is close to as intimidating as feeling like you’re starting all over again. How much will it really cost to hire an attorney? Can you even afford it? What kinds of terrible things might happen to you if you don’t? There are so many things you just don’t know ahead of time, and the uncertainty can make anyone feel a little more willing to stay in a bad (but familiar) situation a little longer than truly necessary.

Usually, once a woman finally decides to meet with me, she tells me that she wishes she hadn’t waited so long. Whether it was just one year or twenty, they regret the time that they lost waiting for perfect conditions.

If you’ve pretty much made up your mind that your marriage is over, the time to act is sooner rather than later. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to immediately file for divorce and move away. If you’re not ready to hire an attorney, at least gather information by attending one of our seminars or requesting a free copy of one of our information-filled books. Knowing more about the process and what to expect can help you overcome some of the anxiety you’re feeling. Start to plan for the future. Go back to school (especially if you haven’t separated from your husband yet and you can use marital resources to pay for it), get a new job, or work towards a promotion at work. Start making the changes now that will make the transition easier later.

If money is an issue, start saving some of what you’ll need when you leave. If you go to the grocery store or Target, get a little extra cash back and keep it somewhere safe. Buy extra towels, sheets, or kitchen utensils that you’ll need to stock your new home (or re-stock your old home after your husband takes some of the old things). Take up a new hobby to help get you out of the house and give yourself a self-esteem boost.

The more you start to look towards the future and start paving the way for what you’d really like to get out of life, the clearer things will become. You’ll have the information you need to know how to move forward with your divorce when the time comes, and because you will have gradually started to make changes early on, you won’t have to make all your changes all at once.

If you think about all the ways divorce is going to change your life, and you start trying to adapt to meet those changes head-on, you’ll feel better and see things more clearly. And then, when you’re ready to talk to an attorney and move forward with making the legal changes you need to make, you can call us at (757) 425-5200.