Using Children as Messengers Between Parents

Posted on Dec 6, 2012 by Hofheimer Family Law

You have certain child custody rights when going through a divorce. Your marriage may be over, but as parents, that means your ex-spouse will remain a part of your life to some degree. Try your best to communicate with your ex. Don’t use your kids as messengers to carry messages back and forth, especially regarding the impending divorce. Your child custody attorney in Chesapeake at Hofheimer Family Law Firm can answer your questions about the divorce process, so leave the kids out of it.

Communicating After Divorce

In a divorce, communication is essential. You and your ex may not be best friends, but you will need to keep the lines of communication open so that you are on the same page regarding important child-rearing issues. Some couples go through difficult, bitter divorces and want nothing more than never to speak to each other again, but in reality, sharing a child makes that course of action very impractical.

To get around the discomfort that sometimes accompanies talking with an ex-spouse, some divorced parents use their children as messengers to carry communication back and forth between the two households. While this may relieve some of your own anxiety about talking to your ex, it only exacerbates it for your kids.

Not only can this create undue pressure on the children, but it also can lead to other problems. For example, if you ask your child to deliver a message and it upsets your ex, he may become upset in front of the child. There’s also the chance the message could be delivered incorrectly, which could create all kinds of confusion.

Using children as messengers can directly or indirectly lead to using your children as spies. When kids are privy to information that is meant to be shared between the parents, they can end up knowing much more than is healthy for them. They may leak this info to one or both parents, causing more confusion and emotional pain.

Avoiding unnecessary conflict is part of good co-parenting after divorce. But the way to do this isn’t making your kids communicate with your ex in your place. Your child shouldn’t be brought into your drama or bickering; acting as messenger between you can make it almost impossible for him or her to avoid it.

Contacting a Chesapeake Child Custody Attorney

Hofheimer Family Law Firm is a women-only divorce firm that can help with your child custody questions and others pertaining to the divorce process. Reserve your seat at our monthly divorce seminar and order our free eBook for women going through divorce. If you have questions about your child custody rights, contact a child custody attorney in Chesapeake at 1-757-425-5200.