Another Valentine’s Day has come and gone. I know some people really get worked up about this holiday in particular, but I really have never been a big fan. I’m not single, but, even when I was, I always kind of felt like the holiday was a good reason to stay in, rather than go out. There were a couple of Valentine’s Day holidays I spent with girlfriends, and honestly I liked those a whole lot more than the ones where I hung out with a boy who felt compelled to give me chocolate and flowers. Don’t get me wrong; I love both of those things. But I prefer to get them because its Wednesday or because he wants to more so than because of a particular date on a calendar. But… For some people, it can be incredibly difficult.
For our clients, Valentine’s Day is often a little difficult. When you’re divorced, divorcing, separated, or even just beginning to think about separating, you feel a little extra raw. I think that’s the thing about Valentine’s Day that hurts people’s feelings the most; it’s not so much the holiday, it’s the fact that it feels so personal. Like, it feels like it was put in the way specifically to remind you of what you don’t have, or to make you feel bad about it.
Though I don’t think that’s the case (and I do know that there are lots of much, much better things to focus on), no one can blame you for your feelings. You are entitled to them, whatever they are, and no one should tell you that you shouldn’t feel that way, just because they have particular feelings about divorce, separation, or even Valentine’s Day.
You’re going through something here, and it’s difficult. Whether you ultimately end up divorcing or not, there’s no question that you’re at a crossroads, and that things will probably be harder before they’re better. I can tell you though that, from experience, things do get better. The women I see at the beginning of the process are not the women I see at the end of it. There is light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to get there.
After handling thousands and thousands of divorces, I like to think that we’re pretty in tune here with what women need when they’re going through the divorce process. We’ve done a lot of thinking about the steps we can take to make things better or easier or more reassuring, and, over time, we’ve come up with a couple of things that really seem to make a difference.
If you’re divorced, divorcing, separated, or separating, we’re here for you. We know what you’re going through, and that does kind of make us pretty ideally situated to help you figure out your next steps. Obviously, you want to move forward, and you want to take productive, calculated steps that are designed to yield the kind of results you want. The results you want might be different than the results someone else wants, but we’re used to that, too. We can help point you in the right direction.
In fact, I’ve got a couple of pointers for you right now. If you’re looking for help with the process or experience of divorce, here are a couple things you can do to help make things easier on you.
1. Attend one of our monthly divorce seminars.
This probably sounds a little boring, but it’s not. Each seminar is taught by one of our licensed and experienced Virginia divorce and custody attorneys, and they’ll take time out of the program to answer your divorce related questions.
You know what they say—knowledge is power. And knowing what to expect and having a general understanding of the law can go a long way towards helping you figure out what your next steps will be. Not only that, but it can help make sure that you feel like you can cope with the changes as they come. You’re not the first to go through this before, and you won’t be the last, but you should learn from the wisdom of the people who’ve been there before.
In the words of the indomitable Charlie Hofheimer, “If you’re going through a mine field, follow someone!”
For more information about our seminars, registration, or availability, click here.
2. Talk with a therapist.
I know—we’re lawyers, not therapists. But a good therapist is critical when you’re going through the divorce process. It’s kind of like consulting with a doctor before you have surgery. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s a necessity.
Since we do this every day, though, we know a lot of therapists, and we can help point you in the right direction. If you’re looking for just the right fit, give us a call, and we can give you some names so that you can find the right person to help you handle this transition.
3. Go to Girl’s Night Out!
If you haven’t already, join us for Girl’s Night Out! In fact, we just had an event last night at Calliente Cantina in Virginia Beach, and it was so much fun. (We have an annual Un-Valentine’s Day Party; it’s one of our things.) Back in January, we attended a private screening of the movie “Hidden Figures,” at Beach Movie Bistro and, before that, we had a holiday party at the Yard House in Town Center.
Our next event is going to be held on Wednesday, April 5th, 2017 from 6-8pm at Tradition Brewing Company in Newport News. We hope you’ll be able to make it, too! To register (please let us know you’re coming, if at all possible), click here.
Since we have offices in Chesapeake, Virginia Beach, and Newport News, we host events all over Hampton Roads, so chances are there’ll be on near you soon. (And, if not, it’s not like Newport News or Virginia Beach are all that far away!)
We provide the venue, the drinks, and the food—all you have to do is show up. We’ve found that it has been an incredibly powerful influence in the lives of our clients, former clients, and prospective clients, so we’re pretty committed to continuing to provide these events.
There’s no divorce or custody case required to attend, but a lot of the women (obviously) are going through something like it.
4. Try a divorce support group.
There are several organizations out there that offer divorce support groups. If you’re looking for one—Google it! I know there are groups on MeetUp and other similar sites, too, and you might find something that really resonates with you. I couldn’t be more enthusiastic about support groups.
We offer one, too, but, right now, it’s only for our current and former clients. It’s called “Divorce Life Hacks and Support” and it’s offered on the fourth Saturday of the month following our Custody Bootcamp for Moms. For 2017, our next date will be April 22nd. It is only for clients, but there are lots of other support groups out there, too, that you could find and take advantage of.
For more information about our support group, seminars, Girl’s Night Out, or to schedule an appointment with one of our divorce lawyers, give our office a call at (757) 425-5200.