15 truths you must know to complete your successful divorce

Posted on Jun 16, 2009 by Hofheimer Family Law

1. Nobody will look out for you like you will. The best attorney in the world cannot know or care as much about your outcome as you do, so partner with your attorney, set achievable goals and keep communicating.
2. Do not make your children your confidantes during your divorce – children should be allowed to remain children, no matter how you feel or what you think. Protect and love them like only a mother can.
3. Divorce is about outcome, not fault. See the big picture.
4. Custody is about CHILDREN, not fault. Use the term “co-parenting”, not “custody” or “visitation when speaking with your husband
5. The “Law” is not always fair; it is “The Law.” It’s not called the “Fairhouse.” It’s called the “Courthouse”. Your attorney will help you understand your case in this unfamiliar venue.
6. Be as thoughtful and visionary in planning your divorce as you were in planning your marriage.
7. Be observant and resourceful. Gather documents like tax returns, pension statements, bank accounts, and anything that helps document your financial situation.
8. Read the actual laws governing spousal support, child support, custody and property division (called “equitable distribution”) for yourself.
9. Take down your “myspace,” “yahoo singles” and other social networking pages. Make sure to print a copy of his internet pages or other signs of internet dalliances.
10. Get your own new e-mail account with a brand new password! Still, be careful what you send into cyberspace because most what you write can be traced.
11. Never ever, ever move out and temporarily leave your children with their dad; it is a sure way to lose physical custody. Always do and be what best serves your children.
12. Don’t move out with the children unless you have a detailed plan of action with your attorney and even then, understand that this may put you at risk of losing physical custody. Moving out should only be done after careful consultation with an attorney who fully understands your situation.
13. If you do not have children, but need spousal support, don’t leave home without a plan of action agreed to by you and your lawyer. Ask your attorney about the “ALS” rule. Virginia is a fault state and you need to understand what might put you at fault before making a move.
14. Be cognizant that the only limitation regarding the terms of a Separation Agreement is the creativity
of its author.
15. Your Separation Agreement is your Constitution, your Bill of Rights and your Declaration of Independence all written up in one document. Make sure an experienced divorce attorney reviews it on your behalf BEFORE You sign it.!!!!!!!!!!!!!