10 Important Truths for Women confronting Divorce (15 more to follow)

Posted on Jun 11, 2009 by Hofheimer Family Law

As we get started, I want to share ten of 25 basic truths about divorce that I have learned while helping women get divorced. The remaining 15 will be discussed in my next blog on 6/16/09.

1. Look out for yourself first! If you’re okay, your kids will be okay. Just like on the airplane, you need to give yourself oxygen so you will be able to give it to them.

2. Never ever ever let him know you fear going to court.Embrace the court, it can be your best friend.
Embrace the court; it can be your best friend.

3. Turn his voice off in your head. He is no longer the authoritative figure in your life: you are.

4. Don’t be predictable. In fact, do the unexpected; it throws him off balance. He will see he is dealing with someone new – a stronger, more focused, more autonomous you.

5. Don’t sign anything!! (Unless your attorney says it’s okay and you understand the ramifications).

6. When you negotiate, listen! Then take time to discuss with your “Board of Advisors.” Listening is the key. Know what you are confronting. Listen to the nuances and underlying agenda.

7. When in doubt, do nothing. Then talk to a divorce professional (mental health provider, divorce financial professional or divorce lawyer).

8. When he says “Trust Me” – DON’T!!!

9. Fear – “False Expectation Appearing Real”. Write out your worst case scenario and then write out how you will overcome it. Then the F.E.A.R. evaporates.

10. CHOOSE Wisely. You can CHOOSE to be the victim or you can CHOOSE to move on with your life. No one, and I mean no one, can make that choice for you.