Who is on your divorce team and why are they there? "Team"? "Who said anything about a divorce team"? you ask.
Yep, You have a divorce team whether you like it or not. The real question is whether they are helping you or hurting you. No question they think they are helping you and you probably think so too. After all, your mom would do nothing to hurt you and neither would your best two friend's in the whole world, Suzy Q and Sissy. But Mom, Suzy Q and Sissy are not experts about divorce or custody and Sissy and Suzy Q will protect your actions, sometimes even when you are wrong. So, while your team may be very loyal and very caring–They may be steering you or supporting you in the wrong way.
Let's see what a divorce team looks like. Most smart women have as part of their divorce team a therapist, a financial planner and an attorney. The Therapist is not because you are going crazy (though you feel as if you might). The therapist is to acknowlege what are regular healthy reactions to divorce and what may constitute unhealthy responses. Unhealthy does not imply a judgement that you are doing something wrong, it is acknowledging a suffering that needs to be addressed. Your therapist may also be a key partner in helping you learn the language of how to express thoughts in a way to achieve positive responses or actions.Your therapist is always an outlet when the pressure or stress rises to an intolerable level.
Your financial planner serves two roles. One is to help you work on the now so you can properly address current needs . Often your financial person is helping you develop strategies to develop a positive cash flow. The second role of your planner is to help you lay out your future taking into account present assets and future goals. You have to know where you want to go into order to plan the trip to get there. Lastly your financial person can help you with mortgages, refinance, taxes, financing a car, all the tasks that arise as life moves on.
Your attorney has an obvious role to help you complete the legal process of your divorce. There is another role they should play. Really good divorce attorneys will help you with the long term planning as to your lif'e's direction. Teaching clients how to turn this time of transition into a reinvention of one's self so that you can pursue a life's passion is the hallmark of a great member of your team. Divorce teams–You gotta have one–and make it a great team for you !