My Husband is Gay: What impact will his sexuality have on my Virginia divorce?

Posted on Jun 3, 2013 by Katie Carter

Marriages break up for all kinds of reasons, some good, some bad, and sometimes, even, for no reason at all. Marriages break up because of problems with communication, problems with money, disagreements over child-rearing, and overbearing mother in laws. Marriages break up because of infidelity, and, sometimes, they break up because one or the other of the parties to the marriage is gay.

If your marriage is coming to an end because of your husband’s sexuality, you should know that you are not alone. There are books, online forums, support groups, and therapists that can help you psychologically navigate these tricky waters. The pain, embarrassment, and betrayal you’re feeling are completely normal, and you’ll recover best if you address these feelings early, and continue to address them as you move forward with your life.

Additionally, as much as you probably don’t want to hear this, you should probably get tested as soon as possible. In any divorce where adultery is one of the primary issues, I advise my clients to get tested. No matter who your husband may have cheated on you with, there is the possibility of sexually transmitted diseases being passed. As a matter of sexual health, you should address this possibility as soon as possible.

As far as your divorce is concerned, you may choose to pursue your divorce based on the grounds of adultery. Adultery is a fault-based ground in Virginia that allows you to immediately file for divorce, but in order to have a judge grant your divorce on these grounds, you’ll have to prove that the adultery took place. What kind of proof? You’ll need to provide the court with strict, satisfactory, conclusive, corroborated evidence. Who can corroborate? You’ll probably need a private investigator to help here. Before you get too far ahead of yourself, you may want to consult an attorney to determine whether this is really the best course for you to take. Adultery is difficult, expensive, and time-consuming to pursue, and you’ll want to make sure it’s in your best interest first. Learn more about adultery cases in Virginia by reading my other blogs: how to prove adultery, and sexual fault grounds for divorce.

It will be okay. These situations are some of the most complicated I see, mostly because the emotional and psychological repercussions are so much more severe than in other cases. Seek help emotionally, psychologically, and legally, and you’ll be fine.