If you have a parenting plan or a court order that specifies custody and visitation, you’re supposed to follow it. And, probably, most of the time, you will. The ideal scenario is to come up with something that you both – you and your child’s father – can rely on, predict, and understand intuitively.
I wrote the other day about what happens when there’s a storm or other emergency situation that prevents you from being able to do a visitation exchange, but what happens when they’re sick?
My child is sick. Do I have to send him to dad’s?
For most normal childhood sicknesses, you should probably send them to dad’s anyway. Whether it’s strep throat, the flu, COVID, or whatever else – dad is a parent, too, and just as able – theoretically – to handle an illness as you.
If you have prescription medication for the child – like an antibiotic – you should send them with the child when he goes to dad’s. For over the counter medication, dad should have his own supply at his house. There’s no need to send children’s allergy medicine or Tylenol over to dad’s; he can go to Walgreens just as easily as you.
If there’s a bigger sickness or something more life threatening, it’s going to depend on the circumstances. In all likelihood, if it’s THAT serious, the child would be in the hospital or receiving additional medical treatment that would in and of itself provide an answer to the question.
Do we really have to expose a whole second household to a contagious condition just because of a court order?
I mean, no – you don’t necessarily HAVE to. But if your child’s father is going to sound the alarm because you don’t send your child over, then you should probably send the child over. Unless there are extenuating circumstances – like the stepmother or stepchild(ren) are immunocompromised, in which case your child’s father would probably be begging you to keep the sickness to yourself – you should probably be prepared to send the child(ren).
After all, if he’s a coparent, he is equal to the task of getting medicine, going to the pediatrician, and following through on a treatment plan. He’s capable of buying the ginger ale, of setting up the movies to stream, and taking the child’s temperature. The fact that he hasn’t done it before, or that the child has never been with him when he is sick before, is not really all that relevant.
He wants to keep the child but then return him to me so he can work. Do I have to take a sick day on his parenting time?
This is definitely getting a bit silly, but it’s up to you how you handle it. If dad wants to have the child – sick or not – for his overnights but then wants to return him to you so that you have to take the sick day, you can say yes or no.
Obviously, if he has parenting time, he should be the one parenting if the child(ren) are sick during his parenting time. He should not foist that on you and expect you to take responsibility just so that he doesn’t have to. He should be planning on taking some sick days and making arrangements to work from home or do whatever he can in the event the kids – as they inevitably will – fall sick on his parenting time.
Could you, though? Certainly you could. Do you have to? Certainly not.
It’s so annoying when he wants what he wants – overnights and the reduction in child support – but also isn’t willing to do what it takes to actually parent a sick kid. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: simply having 50% of the overnights does not make you a 50/50 parent.
Not being willing to do what the child needs during the time when he is sick is a big red flag. It would certainly be something, if I were you, that I’d be documenting and preparing to bring up to the judge the next time we were going to be in court for a modification.
Most of the time, though, the child should still go to dad’s house, even if he’s sick – unless dad is not willing (and you are willing) to take the child during that time. Sickness alone, especially if it’s a relatively normal childhood ailment, isn’t grounds to disregard the parenting plan.
For more information, to request a copy of our custody book for moms, or to register for a moms-only custody seminar, give our office a call at 757-425-5200 or visit our website at hoflaw.com.