Before you go through any big life change, especially one that has the potential to have such negative consequences, it’s important to think things through. Sometimes, you even have to go through your own grieving period before you’re ready to take action. For a lot of women, there’s a lot of separation and reconciliation before they ultimately make the decision to divorce.
Regardless of where you are in your own personal process, I hope you won’t feel too intimidated to gather the information that you need – regardless of whether you divorce or ultimately reconcile.
There really aren’t any rules here. We’ve seen it all. And we understand that, for a lot of women, scheduling a consultation, requesting a book, or even attending an online seminar can feel a bit like opening Pandora’s Box. You definitely don’t have to do anything you’re not ready to do.
But divorce is, sometimes, like a slow creep. You can feel it coming, but you don’t really want to take any real steps; maybe it even feels a bit like tempting the evil eye. If you’re superstitious or religious, you maybe don’t want to give words to it for fear that it’ll take on a life of its own and you won’t be able to keep it to yourself anymore. Maybe it feels wrong, or like a betrayal, or just too scary.
We’re all on our own path, and you have to take yours at your own speed. Generally speaking, though, my advice would be that, whether you stay or go, you should do the work as soon as you are able. Start asking questions about whether to divorce, what type of divorce, and how much it might cost. Look at local divorce attorneys so that you have an idea who you might call, if and when you’re ready to take that step. Consider your family as a whole, including your goals and priorities, and start to give careful consideration to what you’d want to see reflected in a separation agreement or a court order in your case.
It’s probably pretty painful to consider the details, but it’s better to do it sooner rather than later so that you have some time for careful reflection. It’s easy to get swept up in emotions like anger or sadness and to forget to prioritize the things that are really important. Our emotions have that kind of impact on our brains, and it can ultimately lead to us making decisions that make divorce take longer, cost more, and yield poorer results overall. And who wants that?
I can’t tell you whether you’re really going to get a divorce. I can tell you that many people reconcile – some even reconcile permanently. On the other hand, there are couples who divorce only to remarry at some point, too. Life is messy. Love and family can be really challenging.
I can tell you, though, that whatever you choose, you’re not a failure. You’re not making the wrong decision, even if it means breaking up your family. (For many families, divorce improves everyone’s relationship!)
The best thing you can do, while you work on your marriage, is gather information about the divorce process so that you’re aware ahead of time about your rights and entitlements, about the choices available to you, and about what your post divorce life might look like. A good way to begin to do that is by reading our articles (like this one!), requesting a free copy of one of our books or free reports, attending a monthly divorce seminar, or having a one-on-one consultation with one of our experienced divorce attorneys.
There’s no right or wrong, or even a specific path, but the more information you have, the better you can make your choices. Whether you stay together or separate, you’ll want to make sure that you’ve made decisions all along that help move you towards your desired outcome. It’s not the same for everyone – and sometimes it even changes, especially if it takes months or even years to decide for sure to move forward – so you should do some real soul searching as you figure out what’s the most important to you.
Don’t think that you can’t ask questions, have a consultation, or attend a seminar just because you might not move forward now, or even ever. We’re used to it! And we support you, whether you decide to save or end your marriage. We’ll never push you to move forward – though we will do our best to make sure that you have all the information you need to make a good decision either way – and we know how big of a deal this is for you.
If you’re wondering whether its really over, or whether you’re headed towards divorce, you’re not alone. We’re here to help – not to push you in any particular direction.
So, request a book.
Look at our online library of resources.
Ask questions.
Repeat as needed, until you’re in a position to make a decision. And then, go forward confidently. Wherever the future takes you, I hope you’ll be happy!
For more information or to schedule an appointment, give us a call at 757-425-5200.