By most accounts, by this point in 2026, men and women are (mostly) treated equally under the law – at least, as it relates to spousal support. (If nothing else, but that’s a story for another day.)
We don’t call it alimony anymore, at least not in Virginia. In most states, terms like spousal support and spousal maintenance have become more popular because they’re viewed as more egalitarian and reflect the possibility that either a man or a woman could find herself (or, indeed, himself) in a position that would necessitate asking for spousal support. So, the law needs to reflect that reality and put judges in a position that would allow spousal support to be awarded to husbands, too.
Boo.
Right?
Because, if you’re a higher earning partner and you’re the wife, chances are good that your husband, whatever he’s done, hasn’t been the kind of a stay at home partner that a stay at home wife would be. I won’t bore you with statistics because your case is about you and transcends statistics, but most studies reflect a general theme: that husbands who are not breadwinners (whether they are stay at home husbands or working husbands) do LESS around the home, rather than more.
For stay at home moms, that’s not the case. They often do almost all, if not all, of the work around the home; to them, the home, the kids, the domestic labor generally, IS their job.
Men may take care of the bare minimum, but – even when they stay at home – don’t tend to go above and beyond. Their wives still carry a significant load, mental, logistical, manual, and practical. What I tend to find, and I admit this is anecdotal, is that these guys are less stay at home husbands by choice and more stay at home husbands by necessity. They’re in between jobs, generally unreliable, and mostly unemployed, so they are at home. But it’s not a calling or a job; in fact, it’s quite the opposite. They’re not suited to work, whether inside or outside of the home.
Which stings, right? While most of us can see the argument that a woman who has sacrificed her career to support her family is deserving of some of the income she helped to earn by supporting the family behind the scenes even after the marriage ends, it’s harder to see that argument play out in reverse when the stay at home dad didn’t take the role as seriously, didn’t support his wife’s career, and effectively opted out of valuable work himself without noticeably decreasing his wife’s load.
Are there exceptions? Of course. In that case, spousal support makes sense. Hey, what’s fair is fair.
It’s just that it’s pathologically NOT fair to extend the same to someone who didn’t provide the same benefit. Will you be able to convince a court of that fact? Maybe, but not necessarily.
There are a number of different tools you’d use in court if you were building a case. For one thing, the statutory factors are applicable in a spousal support case. Virginia Code 20-107.1 lays out thirteen relevant factors:
- The obligations, needs and financial resources of the parties, including but not limited to income from all pension, profit sharing or retirement plans, of whatever nature;
- The standard of living established during the marriage;
- The duration of the marriage;
- The age and physical and mental condition of the parties and any special circumstances of the family;
- The extent to which the age, physical or mental condition or special circumstances of any child of the parties would make it appropriate that a party not seek employment outside of the home;
- The contributions, monetary and nonmonetary, of each party to the well-being of the family;
- The property interests of the parties, both real and personal, tangible and intangible;
- The provisions made with regard to the marital property under § 20-107.3;
- The earning capacity, including the skills, education and training of the parties and the present employment opportunities for persons possessing such earning capacity;
- The opportunity for, ability of, and the time and costs involved for a party to acquire the appropriate education, training and employment to obtain the skills needed to enhance his earning ability;
- The decisions regarding employment, career, economics, education and parenting arrangements made by the parties during the marriage and their effect on present and future earning potential, including the length of time one or both of the parties have been absent from the job market;
- The extent to which either party has contributed to the attainment of education, training, career position or profession of the other party; and
- Such other factors, including the tax consequences to each party and the circumstances and factors that contributed to the dissolution, specifically including any ground for divorce, as are necessary to consider the equities between the parties.
Whenever you’re making a point and the point relates to a statute that has factors like this – the best interests of the child factors also come to mind – it’s important to base your case around those factors, because those are the ones that the court must consider. In this case, to oppose spousal support, I’d argue all the things that suggest that not only is your husband capable of work, capable of earning, and not at all hampered by his decision to “stay” at home, but also that the “work” that he provided in the home didn’t actually provide measurable support to the family, that you opposed this or that he was constantly looking for work, and that this doesn’t really reflect a true “stay at home” spouse dynamic.
Will it work? That all depends, of course – but if you’re going to court, what do you have to lose? It’s always worth discussing a potential strategy with an attorney, too, because one size never fits all, and that’s especially true in family law cases.
What else can you do?
Make an imputation of income argument through a vocational expert
Well, the second thing I’d suggest is a vocational expert. Someone who can look at your ex’s education, credentials, work history, and make an argument to the court about whether he’s underemployed or what, if he returned to the workforce, he could earn. Even if you potentially have to pay spousal support, it’s possible, especially if he’s underemployed, that income could be imputed to him.
Subpoena records from his employer
If he’s in and out of work because he’s not a very good employee – but this doesn’t reflect a joint decision to have one spouse stay home for the good of the family – there may be records that reflect that. You could subpoena his employer for information related to his file; if he was fired for his poor performance or bad behavior in the workplace, that would be relevant information for a court.
Isn’t this all terribly expensive?
It’s always important to do a cost benefit analysis before you undertake any litigation. And, yes, litigation is, generally, expensive. Run a guideline spousal support obligation and get a sense from your attorney about what might be realistic, whether it’s an ideal or less-than-ideal outcome.
The good news is that you’re the higher earner here so that means you can probably withstand more potential litigation than your soon-to-be ex. It might not feel like you’re in a powerful position, but … you are, relatively speaking.
For more information, to schedule a consultation, or to learn more about spousal support in Virginia, give our office a call or visit our website at hoflaw.com.