It’s not superficial to be concerned with the way you present in public and, whether fortunately or unfortunately, the sartorial choices you’re making matter. They matter across the board, but it definitely matters if you’re going to court in your family law case.
Full disclosure: Virginia doesn’t technically have “family court,” or, at least, that’s not what we call them. Our “family court” is what we call juvenile court; more specifically, we call them Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Courts (or J&DR). I use the term family court here because that’s the term that I hear most often from non-lawyers and, honestly, because I like it.
When you say “Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court,” or even juvenile court or J&D court, it just isn’t as obvious what it does or what the words mean. It’s fairly typical legal word salad; it may mean something, but it’s not immediately obvious if you’re not already fairly familiar.
It also differentiates from juvenile court (or family court) and circuit court, which are distinctly different entities.
In any case, what should you wear to family court (or, if you want to be a stickler or technically correct in the terminology we use in Virginia, the Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court)?
In general, family court is less formal than circuit court. More often in family court, petitioners are pro se, meaning that they are appearing without attorneys. Many people do have attorneys, too, but it is more common for people to be unrepresented in the lower court. In general, too, judges, clerks, and others involved are friendlier with pro se litigants and more relaxed overall. That’s not necessarily always the case and, even if it is, you may STILL find yourself overwhelmed and confused by the rules, deadlines, and procedures. There are a lot of them.
I don’t say this to suggest that you should not take it seriously. You should absolutely take all court proceedings seriously. There are legitimate, real life consequences to decisions made at courts of all levels. Even though you can appeal your juvenile court case and have a whole second trial de novo in the circuit court, you’d be bound by the decision rendered by the juvenile court until your appeal took place (and I hope I don’t need to tell you that there’s no guarantee the circuit court would reach a different decision).
What you wear isn’t the most important thing. Making your arguments, knowing the law, and stay calm and collected under intense pressure is certainly more important. But what you wear does matter and, really, it’s pretty low hanging fruit. So why not get at least one piece perfectly correct? It certainly will help to camouflage some of the other things that might come less naturally.
What should I wear to juvenile court?
You should probably wear church clothes. A dress or pants with a sweater or jacket. You should look like a mom. It should be relatively modest and unsexy.
What should I NOT wear to juvenile court?
A better question, honestly, is what you shouldn’t wear. You should not wear a suit. You don’t really want to look like a lawyer.
You shouldn’t wear over-the-top clothes. You shouldn’t show cleavage. You shouldn’t wear a skirt so short that you can’t easily sit on it. You shouldn’t wear flashy logos (especially not if you’re going to also claim that you don’t have enough money to survive on) or designer wear. Obviously, I think, you shouldn’t look like you’re either going to the club or arriving in pajamas. You shouldn’t look like you don’t care.
What about hair?
Your hair should be fairly natural. Colored is fine, but – ideally – in a shade that occurs naturally (though not necessarily your own personal natural hair color).
A tidy, fairly professional hairstyle works best, too. You can wear it down, in a ponytail, or styled, as long as it’s not too loud or distracting.
And…makeup?
You probably already know, but makeup should be tasteful. That’s not to say you can’t wear quite a lot of it; many of us do on a daily basis anyway.
I would stay away, though, from complicated or, again, over-the-top makeup looks; dramatic cat eyes, smoky eyes, or overdone blush can read as a little much. I’d also keep my manicure fairly simple, without bright colors, though – in the spirit of full disclosure, I have seen at least judge with bright yellow neon nails.
Wait – isn’t this all a little sexist?
Oh my gosh, it’s incredibly sexist! It’s horrible. But it’s also true that judges are looking at you and judging you – and you don’t want your case to NOT be heard on the merits.
Demure, modest, tasteful, “like a mom,” – it’s all gross. I hate saying it. But it’s also realistic to look at your clothes not as a chance to make a fashion statement or to celebrate your individuality (at least, not in this context).
I don’t like giving this advice. It rings hollow, even to me. It sounds grotesque and sexist and, let’s be real, men don’t have to meet many of the same standards. We wouldn’t be talking about their hair, makeup, or nails – or even their clothes. They should probably wear khakis or dress pants and a button up, but they’ll often show up in their police or military uniforms, too. It’s really pretty simple for a man. Even a man who shows up in, say, a tie with Pokemon on it wouldn’t be judged nearly as harshly as a woman with too much cleavage. (How much is too much, you ask? I don’t know, but probably like …any cleavage at all?) About all a man has to do is not show up in sweatpants.
It’s simple for a woman, too, but the box that it puts you in is so much more limited than the box that it puts a man in. Church clothes. Mom clothes. Not too sexy, not too professional, not too materialistic – strike just the right balance. Gross, right? But, also … don’t let the clothes ruin it for you.
For more information, to schedule a consultation, or to register to attend an upcoming custody seminar, give our office a call at 757-425-5200 or visit our website at hoflaw.com.