Question: I have been following your firm for awhile and I thought you represented women only. I guess my husband looked through my phone; he said he called your office and hired you to represent him! Is that true?
This question comes from an actual real life conversation I had recently. To be honest, it surprised me, because it isn’t one I’ve heard before.
I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again, but – we only represent women.
We do not represent men.
That is rarely a particularly complicated statement. In the case of a transgender individual – and I do not get the sense that this was an issue as it relates to the question above – we would represent a trans woman. But we would not – and have not, and do not – represent a man.
When you call to make an appointment with most law firms, they will do a conflict check. Basically, they’ll make sure that they haven’t consulted with the opposing party.
For us, a conflict check isn’t as much a part of the standard procedure. Though we can – and do – sometimes run into conflicts, there is no chance that your soon-to-be ex-husband has been to our office for a consultation. Neither have we met with or advised your soon-to-be ex-husband. We did not extend a retainer agreement to him. He has not met with one of our attorneys and could not hire one if he wanted to.
The reason this matters is that, sometimes, people will call around to local area law firms and have consults with the “top” attorneys in order to create a conflict so that these same attorneys can’t represent their spouse. If an attorney had even a consultation with the other party, they could not then consult with or represent you – even if that other party never hires or never had any intention to hire that attorney.
People think that this is a boss move – especially if you can identify the top divorce attorneys and make sure that none of them are able to represent your spouse. The truth is, though, that it’s both silly and more than a little unnecessary.
Most family law attorneys charge for the consultation, in part, at least, because once they meet with one party (even if that party does not hire them), they can’t represent the other party. Even if we don’t work for a particular person, our duty to them is not done just because they choose not to retain us to work on their case. It closes us off to future opportunities.
In our area – Hampton Roads, generally – there are many, many excellent divorce and child custody attorneys. It would be cost prohibitive, not to mention unnecessary, to try to meet with all of them (or even the best of them) just to prevent them from working with your soon-to-be ex. There are definitely more than ten that I could name right off the bat and, in any case, if each and every one of them charges for the consultation, you’d be in this silly business in the range of four figures – all without having made any headway in your own particular case.
Still, I am reading the question and I understand the intent behind it. This man told his soon-to-be ex-wife that he had met with us – the women only divorce advocates – to scare and intimidate her. To make her believe that an avenue she thought of as helpful to her would be weaponized against her. To make her feel smaller and less able to defend herself.
I’m picking up what you’re putting down and it’s awful. I am so sorry that our name was used like that, as a weapon against you, and that – even if only a moment – you wondered whether it was true.
But it couldn’t be. We would not schedule an appointment with a man. We would not offer a retainer agreement to a man. We did not talk to this man. And, if you wanted to schedule an appointment (or even if you don’t), you certainly could. But, even if you don’t, you can still take advantage of our other women-only resources, like our four free books, library of blog articles (like this one), podcast episodes, divorce and child custody seminars, and more.
No, we didn’t talk to him – and I am sorry, again, that he made you feel as though that were a possibility. It isn’t and we didn’t, but that doesn’t mean that you weren’t treated terribly. We represent women only.
I hope this helps. For more information, to register for an upcoming seminar, to attend a Girl’s Night Out event, or just to get more information (whether or not you hire us), visit our website at hoflaw.com or give us a call at 757-425-5200.