As the only Virginia-based family law firm dedicated to representing women only, we offer a sort of special place in the market. Though there are two other firms dedicated to the representation of men – an easy thing, I think, since men are often the higher wage earners – we’re the only firm that represents women.
It’s an important and valuable thing, especially since, in some 60% of cases, men are the higher wage earners, meaning that divorce can put women in a particularly difficult (and vulnerable) position. We’re often talking about making sure women get their marital share of the assets and there’s often the matter of spousal support, not to mention child support.
Emotionally and logistically, going through a divorce is hard on anyone. Full disclosure: I assume that divorce is also hard on men, though I have no personal experience related to that statement. Because it is so difficult, it’s ideal to have a little bit of extra help.
Sure, a divorce lawyer is a key member of your team as you navigate the complexity of divorce but, in an ideal world, you’d also enlist the support of either (or both!) a mental health professional, like a therapist, or a divorce coach.
No, you’re not crazy. Far from it! But, sometimes, going through a major, life-altering shift, like a divorce or a custody case, you might feel a little crazy. Or, maybe you’re coming out from under the shadow of an abusive relationship – that’s extra challenging, and your trauma, your PTSD, or other related issues, might need a little extra TLC to work through. Maybe you’ve been a SAHM and you’re looking at re-entering the work force, or making other changes, like sending your kids to daycare when you’ve never done that before. If you’re struggling, you’re only human – and that’s why there are mental health tools out there that can help you adapt and overcome.
Like anything else, time is of the essence here. Sure, you could probably muddle through on your own. You could forego the extra help – after all, it’s expensive! – but it’s going to take longer and, in the meantime, how much time have you wasted feeling bad when you could be healing? How many opportunities will you hold yourself back from? How long until you’re the best version of yourself? How long until your kids get the benefit of that best version of you?
What are your options?
Obviously, I understand that finances are tight, especially when you’re going through divorce, and extra especially when you’re already working with a divorce attorney. It’s an expensive time – and a time when you’re unsure what, exactly, the future will look like. You may not feel like you can afford to work with a divorce coach or a mental health professional right now – but consider what your options are.
What’s the difference between a divorce coach and a regular therapist?
You know regular therapists, I’m sure. And I would add that, while you may have trouble finding a therapist in a regular practice near you who is taking active clients – since the pandemic, finding a therapist locally has been harder than ever – there are more and more online therapy programs available. Some of these take insurance, some of them don’t, so be sure you’re really looking into what options are available to you.
Different therapists specialize in different types of practice – whether it’s cognitive behavioral therapy or psychodynamic or dialectical behavioral or whatever kind of random alphabet soup they use to describe their brand of methodology – but the end goal is for a therapist to work through issues, whether chronic and ongoing or related to current difficulties, on a one-on-one basis.
A divorce coach differs from a mental health professional, or a regular therapist, basically, because the divorce coach is there just to help the client – the patient, whatever word you want to use – work through the divorce process itself. We often see divorce coaches in collaborative practice, and they help clients work through important procedural points in the divorce action, like preparing for mediation or a judicial settlement conference. A divorce coach generally has some basic knowledge about the divorce process – though, like a regular therapist, they are not attorneys and their guidance should not take the place of legal advice – so they can provide extra assistance as you work through the process.
Both have important roles in working through the issues associated with divorce, but the divorce coach is more targeted towards addressing the specific stressors related to the process. The therapist, on the other hand, is there more to provide ongoing therapy services.
Should I work with a divorce coach or a therapist?
If you’re asking whether you should utilize one of these services, I say yes. If you’re asking which would be better for you, I’d have to defer to your judgment. Both might be ideal, especially if yours is a complicated or high conflict case. But, then again, we’re back up against the specific limitations of your budget, whatever that is.
One thing that we do at Hofheimer Family Law that I think is really incredible is that we offer ongoing divorce coaching for our clients. It’s a group setting – so not individual, one-on-one coaching – but it’s incredibly valuable, not to mention totally free for clients!
We offer one session per month on a pre-determined topic, but we keep the sessions open to clients and there’s plenty of opportunity for the women attending – again, too, all women, because we only represent women – to dialogue with each other and with the divorce coach who is presenting.
I definitely recommend mental health work, especially while your case is ongoing, and I also wanted to mention that we’ve made this specific type of program available for our clients in an effort to provide the ongoing, non legal mental health support that so many women need – but are unable to avail themselves of.
Can non-clients attend?
No, I’m sorry! Our monthly divorce coaching is only available to current or former clients.
For more information, to schedule a consultation, or to learn about divorce for Virginia women, give our office a call at 757-425-5200 or visit our website at hoflaw.com.