My Ex is Stalking Me. What Can I Do?

Posted on May 24, 2024 by Katie Carter


With so much technology nowadays, stalking is just … too easy.  We see a lot of devices used to keep track of partners (or former partners), but there’s also good, old-fashioned, boots-on-the-ground stalking, too.  So, what can you do?

Well, it depends on the behaviors.  And, I should also mention, before we get too far along this line of conversation: I’m not a criminal law attorney.  As far as actual laws he is breaking (and the decision about whether you should press charges or not), you might want to talk to an actual criminal law attorney or even the police.

If I were you, in general, I would not hesitate to call 911.  The police may not do anything, but they can often let you know when and where a line would be crossed and even create a paper trail that can amount to important evidence later, even if charges aren’t filed at the time.  Also, it’s worth mentioning that literally nothing is as important as your physical safety.

If you feel like the girl who cried wolf, I get it!  I always worry about calling 911, or going to the emergency room, or indicating that there is an emergency because, like, what if it isn’t?  Is everyone going to judge me?  Or not listen to me next time?  But, in all emergencies, I think there was a point in time where a line was crossed.  Where, maybe, at that moment it wasn’t an emergency, but it quickly became one.  You know?  I’d rather you called the police ten minutes too soon (even if it means that it doesn’t escalate into a full-fledged emergency) than that you waited until something terrible happened – and, even if it WAS a criminal or emergency situation at that point, the police, criminal law attorneys, judges, etc., couldn’t fix it anyway.

Domestic violence is serious.  You should take it seriously.  Many abusers start with stalking.  Stalking is involved in a LOT of domestic violence cases.  I don’t want to bore you with statistics, but this is important, relevant, concerning behavior, and you’re wise to pay attention to it.

So, what should you do if your ex is stalking you?


  1. Turn off location services and be aware of the devices that you use that could be tracking you.

There are a million different ways to both overtly and covertly track people these days.  One of the most obvious is location services.  Make sure yours is turned off or that your soon-to-be ex is not able to access your location.  If you keep it on, consider sharing your location with other loved ones who you can trust.

Be aware of the devices that could be tracking you.  AirTags, Tiles, and even smart devices like watches, AirPods, and more can have tracking devices associated with them.  Is FindMyiPhone on his phone?  Does it have access to your smart devices?  Be aware of this.

Also pay attention to things like OnStar, smart doorbells, and other security devices that you have installed or that you use (maybe even that you don’t even think about).  Log out of all of your shared devices, in general, and change your passwords across the board to ones he doesn’t know and can’t guess.  Whenever possible, use your own separate devices that he does not have access to.

  1. Install cameras.

Depending on what he’s doing, you may want some security devices installed.  Though it’s important that he doesn’t have access to, say, your smart doorbell or any cameras in your home, it may also be important to have security footage!

If he’s driving by, for example, you might want to be able to document that.  If he’s behaving erratically in the yard or trying to break in, you would definitely want to document that.  Having video footage can be super helpful when there are no witnesses (and there often aren’t to domestic violence cases, unless you maybe count the children – which we’d prefer not to do).  It can show that your fear was reasonable, that his behavior was egregious, or any number of things.  At the very least, it shows that you’re not making this up!

As always, make sure he does not have access to either the cameras or the footage.  You may want to share login or access information with someone else, but make sure that it’s something who you can trust.

  1. Document it all.

Take notes.  Write down dates and times.  Figure out exactly what’s going on and when.  Maybe you can establish trends.  If you know, for example, that he drove by on Thursday at 9:34 pm and you can see on Instagram that he was at the bar down the road at 7:52, you can maybe even establish that there’s a link between him drinking and stalking you – red flags!

You can’t do much without information so, whenever you know something is going on, write it down including the dates, times, and all the details you can remember.  You won’t remember it all later, so writing it down will help you establish a timeline.  You can also tell if his behavior is escalating!  It’s easier to see trends when you see them written down as opposed to just experiencing it and hoping for the best.

You may or may not want to pursue a protective order (and, if it’s JUST stalking, you may not be able to get one anyway), but you should have all the information in the event that you do.  Whether you are moving forward with a divorce and/or custody case, too, it’s going to be important to have that information to share with your attorney so that she can represent you with all the relevant facts in mind.

You should take violence and threats of violence seriously.  Stalking is threatening and intimidating, and – though it may not yet be criminally actionable (and hopefully will never become criminally actionable) – you should take whatever steps you can to make sure that you are protecting yourself.

For more information or to schedule a consultation with one of our licensed and experienced family law attorneys, give our office a call at 757-425-5200.