The short answer is yes – you can choose to give your child your last name at birth. The longer answer, of course, is that this can be complicated.
For unmarried mothers, particularly ones who exclude their child’s father from the birth, this is easier. We don’t necessarily assume that a child should be given his or her father’s last name, but it has become a cultural norm. For unmarried moms, though, you definitely don’t have to; you don’t even have to list your child’s father’s name on the birth certificate. That’s not the be all, end all, though. There could be opportunities to add him, and/or to establish paternity later, especially if one (or both) of you files for child custody, visitation, and/or child support.
When a married women has a child, that child is assumed to be the child of her husband. That does not mean, though, that the husband’s name must be the child’s last name. Parents can agree to use mom’s last name, a hyphenated version of both last names, or even make up an entirely new name to represent the combined family.
Changing names later, though, is difficult – and, married or not married, would require filing a petition and getting a judge’s approval. If you both agree, this is relatively straightforward. If you don’t, though, it is anything but. In fact, in the many cases I’ve had where this has come up (not cases where I’ve necessarily litigated, but where I have been asked about it), I have advised that is unlikely. Many choose not to even attempt it, at least until the child is 18, because the time and expense involved, combined with the likelihood of it being unsuccessful, just doesn’t feel worth it.
In any case, though, there is a small window of opportunity between the birth and when the birth certificate paperwork is filled out, where you can make a choice different than the norm. If this is something that is important to you, that’s worth knowing!
Are there alternatives to giving my child my last name?
Of course! There are a million different alternatives.
In fact, I did something like that. Though I had taken my husband’s last name when we married – and I am embarrassed now to admit that I didn’t really consider not taking his name – we gave our first born child my maiden name as his first name. In the middle, we used my husband’s maternal grandparent’s family name. It was important to us to honor all the families that came together to create our family.
Some people don’t love a hyphenated last name because it’s complicated for the child, especially in early stages, but that’s an option, too. I also don’t personally think it’s too complicated, unless you throw in a couple of extra middle names there, too.
First and middle names give you more options, too, so it’s not like a last name is a be all, end all situation. Of course, if your child’s father has a complicated history – or has been incarcerated or something – you may prefer to avoid association with that name entirely. Notoriety is one of the most common objections I hear to a child’s father’s name being provided and, in terms of making an argument to the court about why it should consider changing it, is one of the better ones. Someone publicly convicted of a violent or sexual based crime, for example, might be someone for whom linking by a family name to an innocent child is unsavory or even harmful.
Like most things related to child custody and visitation, you’d have to show that it is in a child’s best interests to change the name. Though not an impossible bar, it’s also sort of difficult to do to a judge’s satisfaction.
If it is really important to you to give your child your last name, particularly if you and your child’s father are not married, you have a very small window of opportunity.
But what if I file for custody and visitation later?
At some point, many people – whether they separate and/or divorce or whether they were never married to their child’s father – will at least file for child support. But it doesn’t matter whether you file for one or all three, you’ll need to establish paternity to get it done. That’s not hard, of course, but if you don’t list your child’s father on the birth certificate it’ll be an extra hurdle that you go through before it is established.
This has no impact on your child’s name, though. If you establish paternity, that does not change the child’s name; if dad wanted to change the child’s name without your approval, he’d have to go through the same process. And, “I’m the dad,” is not a good enough argument, in case you were wondering. It’s not automatically in a child’s best interests to take either mom or dad’s name just by virtue of one of them being either a mother or a father.
Keep in mind that you can file, not just for child support, but also for expenses related to postpartum and delivery if you file for child support within six months of giving birth. If custody and visitation is a concern, too, it’s wise to start conversations with an attorney early, just so that you’re prepared for whatever may come.
For more information or to schedule a consultation with one of our attorneys, give our office a call at 757-425-5200.