Social media is a way of life for most people anymore, so it’s really no wonder that a lot of details about a lot of people’s divorce and child custody cases wind up online. On the one hand, I get it. I am a millennial and I vividly remember signing up for a Facebook account in college, back when you needed a .edu account to get one. I’ve had one from the very, very beginning – and even today I maintain a social media presence on a number of sites, including LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok.
Look, I love social media. I really do.
But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a time and a place or that there aren’t details that you should and should not share online.
Can we announce our divorce or separation?
Many couples these days choose to announce a divorce or separation online as a quick and easy (and not in person) way to let friends and family know about the breakup. I think this is fine, especially if it’s a mutual intention and done with respect.
“Please give us grace as we navigate this challenging time with our children’s best interests at the forefront,” is probably fine. I can understanding wanting to let people know. I can understand, too, using it as a sort of PR moment, to set boundaries, and to stop speculation ahead of time.
I would not, though, use it as a time to bash your soon-to-be ex or to make an overwhelmingly negative statement about him. This could definitely backfire. It’s pretty common for family lawyers to take a look into the opposing party’s social media presence(s) and to use the information they find online – so don’t make their job easier by giving them any extra ammunition.
Can I share information about my kids?
I personally don’t share anything about my kids online, but I understand that this is largely a question of personal preference. This is one area of family law practice that I think has evolved over time. In the early days, I would have said that judges don’t like to see kids online. These days, I think judges – just like everyone else – are using and consuming social media and are probably less likely to judge you for sharing pictures of your kids online. Of course, it depends on what’s pictured and how your family is represented, so use your best judgment before posting.
Ask yourself, “Would this look weird to someone who doesn’t know me?” Or even, “Would this situation lack context in a court hearing and make me look bad?” Even, “Is it funny to me – or a small group of my friends – but unlikely to translate to someone else?” Also ask yourself whether your intention is to shade your soon-tob-be ex, whether subtly and or not so subtly. If in doubt, don’t post.
Can I post orders or agreements in my case?
Probably safe to say that you should not post specific orders, Guardian ad litem reports, or agreements online. Specific details of your case – especially if you’re unhappy with the outcome. Keep in mind that anything related to custody – child custody, visitation, and child support – are modifiable based on a material change in circumstances, so what you post online could come back to haunt you later.
Judges do not like information about cases being shared online and will almost certainly judge you for saying too much – especially if you are critical of the judges or other important players in your case. Yes, even if you have cause for complaint. To address any wrongs you may have experienced, you should turn to the system – petitions to modify, appeals, etc – rather than social media (which almost certainly will not resolve anything and may, instead, make matters far worse).
Specifically, the Virginia Beach Junvenile and Domestic Relations court entered a specific order about how GAL reports can be shared with parties to cases because so many were being shared online – so, needless to say, they do not like it. I, personally, think it’s a mistake to restrict transparency in an attempt to prevent people from sharing their own case documents online, but you should still remember that you might find yourself on the judge’s bad side if you share too much.
What if I just delete my account?
You should not delete your social media account, especially if you have an ongoing case or suspect that one is going to be filed soon. You could run the risk of a spoliation of evidence lawsuit, which would be unnecessary and expensive.
You can deactivate your account. You can stop posting to your account. But you should not delete it.
For more information about how to navigate social media while your divorce or child custody case is ongoing, request a copy of our social media free report, our divorce book, or give our office a call at 757-425-5200.