To put him on child support or to NOT put him on child support – that is the question! It’s a legitimate question, too, because filing a petition for child support can open the door to more custody litigation.
Let’s talk about it.
Filing petitions for child custody, visitation, and child support
In Virginia, if you file for child support, you have the option to also file for child custody and visitation. Even if only file for child support, once you have your child’s father served, he will have the option to file for child support, custody, and/or visitation himself, too. Chances are, he will – especially if he’s really angry or surprised.
He’ll also probably figure out pretty quickly that, the more parenting time he gets, the less child support he’ll pay.
Virginia has three different possibilities for physical custodial arrangements – primary physical custody, shared physical custody, and split physical custody, but ultimately how much you’ll receive (or how much he’ll pay) is tied to parenting time.
You filing may provide the incentive he needed to contested custody, even if he hasn’t asked for parenting time (or exercised it) before now. If only child support petitions are filed, then only child support – and not custody or visitation – can be determined, but if you file for child support and he files for all three, well, the court will hear all three. (And you’ll probably want to amend your petition to also include child custody and visitation, too.)
Should I ask for child support?
Ultimately, whether you want to put him officially on child support (or not) is up to you. It could open the door to more litigation but, all things considered, if it were me and my kids we were discussing, I would absolutely want child support to be established.
If you don’t get child support established, then he may help – but he also may not.
Keep in mind, too, that it can take a little bit of time to get child support established, so, if you change your mind later, you can’t flip a switch and get child support entered. When you file petitions, you can ask for support retroactive to the date you filed, but you won’t be eligible for any support from before you filed.
Child support is calculated by a formula in Virginia; there’s a different guideline calculation for primary physical custody versus shared physical custody. Once we get into shared physical custody territory, child support is calculated on a sliding scale, so the more time he has, the less he’ll pay. As far as I know, there is not currently a reliable calculator online, so you may need an attorney to calculate guideline child support for you.
You could also ask for an upward deviation – or he could ask for a downward deviation – to cover unusual expenses or to address specific situations that mean that more or less in child support is required, but deviations are rare. Most of the time, child support is ordered pursuant to the guidelines.
Should I – could I – include other expenses?
For the most part, the court views child support as an all inclusive figure, with the exception of unreimbursed medical expenses. By statute, these are supposed to be paid pro rata, or proportionally according to income. Sometimes, a sneaky dad will try to get it in as a 50/50 split, but you don’t have to agree to that, especially if you aren’t earning 50% of the income.
You can put other things, like extracurricular activities (you’ll probably want to specify what is included, who decides, or even a cap on the amount that can be spent with a reimbursement requirement), or even private school tuition, but that would be something you’d need to agree on. A court wouldn’t award this on its own.
The best advice I can give you is to get everything you need paid ordered – either in a court order or in a signed agreement. Even if he tells you he’ll take care of it, you can’t force him to do it if you don’t have a signed contract or a court order.
For more information, to request a copy of our custody book for Virginia moms, or to register to attend an upcoming custody seminar, visit our website at hoflaw.com or give us a call at 757-425-5200.