There are always some growing pains – to put it mildly – when you go from one family unit to two, and this is often especially true in a family where one spouse has stayed at home to care for the children.
There are lots of benefits for a working parent to have a stay at home parent supporting them behind the scenes. Probably the greatest benefit – aside from the ability to earn income, benefits, and retirement – is the flexibility of scheduling. The working parent who has a stay at home parent is able to be completely flexible; scheduling work whenever he needs.
Maybe he works long hours. Maybe he works more than one job. Maybe he’s in the military, and subject to random deployments and duty weekends. Whatever it is, it’s a lot – and you, as the stay at home wife and mother, have borne the brunt of it. When he swerves, you do, too, and pick up the slack at home as you go.
Now that you’re separating, though, things are changing. If you have kids in common, you’ll likely receive some child support. (You should keep in mind, though, that the amount of child support varies depending on the parties’ combined incomes, the amount paid in work related child care, health insurance coverage, and amount of parenting time, among other factors.) You may receive spousal support, too.
But no one ever said that child and/or spousal support were generous. Nor are they indefinite. And, regardless of whether you’re facing pressure from your soon-to-be ex, you are likely going to find that, sooner or later, you’ll have to get a job.
…But how?
I got this question recently from a mom and I think it’s a good one. Here’s what she said (though I’m paraphrasing a little to protect case-related details):
He just sent me his schedule, presumably to tell me when he expected to have parenting time. But look at it! He works as many as three side gigs at a time, and the hours are so unpredictable. How can I expect to ever find work?
Full disclosure: I don’t think you’ll like my answer, but… here it is.
Childcare.
You guys are no longer a unit and you are not just picking up where he leaves off. You don’t have to be available when he’s working. In many families – and I know you know this – both parents already work! Sometimes, those hours overlap and sometimes they do not.
The way to pick up the slack is to have a childcare solution.
I know, I know – but childcare costs money!
Work-related childcare is included in the child support calculation! So, whatever you’re spending, he’ll cover his pro rata (proportional) share of those costs.
You’re a mom and you want to spend as much of your time with your kids as possible, but you’ll also likely need to make money in order to survive. It’s a balancing act and some parts of it are no fun, but that doesn’t make them any less necessary.
How do courts feel about parenting time versus time spent in childcare?
In general, the court prefers children in the care of a parent versus being in childcare. Some moms tell me that they worry that, when they start to work, their child’s father will cut back or suddenly become available, using this to maximize his parenting time (minimize the child support obligation) and continue to control her through access to the children.
It’s probably unlikely – and, not only that, the court is probably likely to require that he continue earning at a similar rate – but it’s possible. If it were me, I would probably try to get a job that more or less closely followed the kids’ school schedules, because then it wouldn’t be a mom versus dad situation. The kids are in school for school hours.
You can’t solve all of tomorrow’s problems today but, if you’re going to have to find work sooner rather than later, it’s probably a good idea to start putting applications out to see what might be available to you. The more time you have, the more options you’ll have – and that’s certainly a better position to be in than the alternative.
For more information or to schedule a consultation with one of our licensed and experienced Virginia custody attorneys, give our office a call at 757-425-5200.