Very few things in the world are truly ‘one size fits all,’ even though it can sometimes feel that way. There is more than one solution to a problem and the same is true for spousal support.
Though many women – and it’s not always women, but, hey, that’s my audience – receive a certain set amount of spousal support each month on specific days for a certain period of time, that’s not the only way to do it.
Spousal support is one of the more complicated areas of family law, because – in Virginia, at least – there’s really no set guideline formula that we use for permanent awards of spousal support. When I say permanent, keep in mind that I don’t mean that all or even any awards of spousal support are permanent – like forever and ever. When I say permanent, I just mean that it is a final, rather than a temporary, order. A temporary order of spousal support is one you might get at a pendente lite hearing, while a permanent one is either what is ordered in your separation agreement or at a final divorce hearing.
Chances are very, very good that he won’t just pay willingly; there will be a bit of back and forth. And exactly what your award of spousal support might look like – assuming that spousal support is warranted in your case – could vary from what your expectations might be.
It’s always a good idea to talk to a family law attorney, run some calculations, and consider your options as a first step, so that you can avoid fixating on a possibility that may or may not be realistic.
But it’s also a good idea to look into alternatives to the traditional way of doing things, because coming up with alternative solutions – especially when you have a reluctant husband – can be the boost that you need to negotiate your end result successfully.
What is typical in spousal support awards?
Most often, I see spousal support paid monthly, either on the first or the first and fifteenth of the month, for a certain amount for a specified period. For short to mid length marriages, I see (usually) half the length of the marriage; for longer marriages (20+ years), it may last a specific time or until retirement.
Usually, retirement modifies a spousal support award because, presumably, at that point, retirement income would kick in which may supplement or at least mitigate the loss of spousal support. Though you could have an agreement that says something different, this is probably not likely.
Keep in mind, too, that the law recently (well, in 2017, I think) changed – spousal support is no longer taxable to you or tax deductible to him.
So, what alternatives are available?
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Negotiate a different term for your spousal support award.
Once, I had a case where spousal support was THE issue. The parties had been married for a while – if I recall, about 13 years – so I proposed spousal support in the amount of the Fairfax guidelines for a period of 7.5 years. It would have been about $8,000 a month in support, because he was a pretty high earner.
He didn’t go for it. Actually, it was kind of nasty; it blew up an entire settlement conference and he and his attorney walked out in a rage.
Later, I proposed an alternative – a lower amount for a longer term. And, I really couldn’t believe it, but he agreed. Math-wise, it was a decent deal for my client, who was already working in a fairly well-paid position. She would get more money in support over a longer period, rather than less money (but more per month) for a shorter period.
You can always monkey with the amounts and the timing and, as long as you get it in writing, you’re good to go. In this case, my client was happier to have a little less for longer. Because it netted her more than the alternative, I felt pretty could about it, too.
In any case, you could go either way – a higher amount for a lesser period, or a lesser amount for a longer period – whichever you thought would make your soon-to-be ex more likely to agree. It’s all about making payment of spousal support palatable and that can look different to different people.
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Support can modify upwards or downwards over time.
If you think of spousal support like a ladder, it can make sense to have it automatically modify either upwards or downwards over a period of time.
Say you’re in school, and you know you’ll finish your program in the next four years. Maybe you start out with a higher award of support, but it drops down. After the first two years, it drops by 25%; after you graduate, it drops by 50%. Or it stops altogether, once you start earning at a certain level.
You can build in whatever touchpoints you want. It could also go upward over time. Say, because he’s helping you move out, because of the costs of the divorce, or whatever else, his ability to pay isn’t as strong at this moment. But, he’ll get a raise and things will stabilize, so he’ll pay a lower amount for a year or two and then start paying an elevated amount so you have a chance to get back on your feet before the award terminates.
Sometimes, husbands like to feel that the awards of spousal support are tied to real life circumstances because it makes them feel more heard and more able to pay what is being asked of them. So – don’t be afraid to be creative and suggest alternatives, especially if you know ahead of time what his specific concerns are likely to be.
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Spousal support can be awarded in one lump sum.
Lump sum spousal support is typically difficult to calculate. Under normal circumstances, spousal support would terminate (1) if either of you dies, or (2) if the recipient spouse remarries, or (3) if the recipient spouse cohabitates in a relationship analogous to marriage for a period of a year or more.
So, major bonus: in a lump sum award of spousal support, you don’t have these limitations – because support was paid up front. You could go on to remarry or to cohabitate at your own discretion after you receive it.
But it also makes calculation difficult, because we don’t know when (or if ) these events would take place. Would someone die? Would you remarry or want to live with someone and find the restrictions too chafing?
I can run a basic (non binding) guideline and estimate a period of time that would give me a baseline amount of support you might receive over your lifetime, but … anything could happen, right? The longer the period of time, the more likely it is that something – anything – would happen that would change your support situation.
It’s a starting point for negotiations, though. Probably, you’d accept less than what you might receive over a lifetime because of the benefit of having it all available to you up front, but that’s not necessarily the case. You certainly don’t have to do it that way.
The major advantage is, of course, that you’d have it up front without conditions; to him, the advantage is that it would be done and he wouldn’t have to think about it anymore.
There are more alternatives than you may think – or that you may have thought of on your own. It’s always worth considering different alternatives to see whether some middle ground could possibly be reached.
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