There are very few things quite as discomfiting in a custody case as having the Guardian ad litem interview your child – especially when you’re not around. One of the most common ways the Guardians ad litem interview children is by showing up at school.
If you’ve never been through this and you’re worrying about the impact of the divorce and/or custody case on your child, you’re probably not all that thrilled about the thought of a visit during the school day. What about missed instructional time? Will their friends find out and will that make them feel weird or embarrassed? Will they be teased? What if there’s a test or quiz that day? Will it distract my child and keep them from being able to participate meaningfully in their classes?
I remember, as a kid, thinking that there was literally nothing worse than being summoned to the principal’s office – and everyone in class going, “ooooooh,” like now they were in on a secret about you. You knew – just knew – you were about to get it. It was a real fear of mine.
Guardians ad litem have a tough job. It’s also tough to be on a case where one has been appointed – don’t get me wrong, I see where you’re coming from – but, for the ones who are legitimately trying to do a good job, it’s a pretty thankless one. Pretty much without exception, parents on both sides hate the GAL and believe that he or she is favoring one side or the other. In some cases, of course, that’s true. There are good and bad Guardians ad litem, just like there are good and bad people in literally every other profession in the entire world. Some do have an agenda and sometimes that agenda is not in line with your position and that’s a particularly bitter pill to swallow as a mom in a custody case.
I’m going to defend the Guardians ad litem on this point though: interviewing the child at school makes sense.
For one thing, it’s about the only time where the child isn’t in the care of one parent or the other – which could cause the interview to be unfairly skewed. Whether the child is afraid to speak in the presence of one parent or the other (and whether the parent is actually present doesn’t necessarily matter if the interview is in their home or where that parent is nearby) or doesn’t want to hurt that parent’s feelings or, for whatever reason, just can’t be honest in that setting, well, it is problematic.
School provides a sort of neutral territory where neither parent can interfere and where the child is freest to have a full and honest conversation with the Guardian ad litem. Sure, there are some disadvantages as well, but the most important thing – from a custody perspective – is that the interview happens and that it is as real and authentic as possible.
For another, many Guardians ad litem get it. They don’t want to upset or embarrass or distract the child either; after all, ‘best interests of the child’ is the standard that they’re operating within. Many will make arrangements with the school or the teacher beforehand, so they’re not just showing up unannounced, and can work around important instructional time or testing.
In fact, Caitlin Walters – who works in our office but also used to do Guardian ad litem work – said recently how she would try to schedule this time for the child’s lunch break, so that they wouldn’t miss school time (or even recess, because that’s developmentally important, too!) and they’d have something to do during their time together that could make the interview a little less stressful for the child.
I get it. It’s not easy. And it’s one of those things where it seems like there’s really no good time. But it’s also not something where it would be appropriate for you to hover, or where you’d prefer, instead, that it happen during dad’s parenting time – especially if dad is the problem here! School is neutral territory and, in many ways, is ideal for a Guardian ad litem to conduct an interview.
You could ask that your child’s GAL not interview the child at school, but the GAL doesn’t have to honor that request – and, just like petitioning to have a GAL removed, it’s kind of risky because it risks alienating or offending the GAL. Since a GAL, once appointed, is likely to be reappointed for any modifications to custody and visitation that you might go through over the years, it’s critical to get on her good side now.
Approach conversations with the GAL cautiously! This is a powerful person in your custody case and one that, on balance, is much better to have on your side than against you.
For more information, to request a copy of our free report on Guardians ad litem, or to register to attend an upcoming custody seminar, give our office a call at 757-425-5200.